“How tedious is a guilty conscious” - John Webster (English writer/playwright 1580-1632)
I don’t know about you, but I have dealt with guilt for many years about not having a “real job”. These days EVERYBODY has, or used to have, a REAL JOB. If you didn’t, there must be something wrong with you, or so I thought. I guess this is why I never pursued any of my art beyond college, even I thought I thoroughly enjoyed it and did well at it (at least my teachers said so). I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough to make a living at art.
So like many of you, I pursued other options that seemed right at the time, but never really made me happy.
This morning I decided to look up the definiton of guilt:
1: the act of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty.
2a: the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously
2b: feelings of culpability, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy: self- reproach.
3. a feeling of culpability for offenses.
The only one that comes close to describing me is 2b, so I looked up the definition of self-reproach:
- a feeling of deep regret (usually for some misdeed)
- the act of blaming yourself
A “guilt trip” is defined as a prolonged feeling of deep regret.
Okay, so maybe I have been on a major guilt trip. But to where and for what? What misdeed have I done?
The loss of income? Would that extra income have made my husband and I happier? In many ways, no.
For not becoming the successful person I could have become? It depends on how you define success. And my life isn’t over, yet.
So I declare myself and anybody else out there who has felt this way, “NOT GUILTY!”
Go work on your art and try your very best to not feel any guilt about it, because you are not doing anything WRONG!
You are doing something right, creative, and beautiful!